Everybody's favourite monkey!
by ncsgirl
Summary: Rating for safety. And because I like to curse. It's a Donkey Kong parody with the X-Men acting. I got the idea from Anything but Ordinary3
1. Casting!

Neep! Anything but Ordinary3 gave me a whole bunch of new parody ideas! Here we have my parody of Donkey Kong. And yes, Beast does make a good Donkey Kong.  
  
Karla: Wheeeeeee! Parody time again!  
  
Kurt: Three at once?  
  
Karla: Sure. You can keep all your roles straight can't you?  
  
Kurt: ...  
  
Karla: Please? I got some X-Men muses.  
  
Kurt: Send them away. Please.  
  
Karla: Don't they like you?  
  
Rogue: Traituh! *charges at him*  
  
Karla: *stops her with author magic* I see what you mean. Kurt I'm sorry. This may be worse than Mystique.  
  
Kurt: Don't mention her.  
  
Karla: But she's-  
  
Kurt: Don't! I'm not listening! *covers ears* Lalalalalalalalalalala!  
  
Karla: Fine!  
  
Kurt: Really?  
  
Karla: Yes. Now, Rogue, resist the urge to kill him. I could bring up all sorts of nasty history about you.  
  
Rogue: Ah find that hard t'believe.  
  
Karla: I can bring Remy here.  
  
Rogue: Not the Swamp Rat!  
  
Karla: Good. Hank? Are you feeling okay?  
  
Hank: This character never utters a single syllable.  
  
Karla: He doesn't have to. Actions speak louder than words.  
  
Hank: So put by those who are incapable of intelectual conversation.  
  
Karla: Look, I can use big words and bogle most people, but I'd rather they understand what I'm saying to them.  
  
Hank: You're quite the oddity. If I may inquire, why have you not got your burly blond muse playing this role in a monkey suit?  
  
Karla: Because I have a much better job for him and I don't think he should be binge drinking much more. He gets to play the bad guy. That and with you, I don't need to rent a monkey suit.  
  
Hank: I think I was just insulted.  
  
Karla: *shrugs* Anyway, Rogue will be playing Candy because she's the only girl here.  
  
Hank: Aren't you-  
  
Karla: I'm the director. Trust me, things are always better when there's a woman in charge.  
  
Hank: I hardly think 16 gives you the right to call yourself an adult.  
  
Karla: It does indeed. Now stop patronizing me or else!  
  
Hank: What? I sincerely doubt that you could bogle me.  
  
Karla: Hippopotmonstrosapippidarian.  
  
All: What?!  
  
Karla: The longest word I know.  
  
Hank: What does it mean?  
  
Karla: You concede that you're bogled?  
  
Hank: Never!  
  
Karla: Well, you're playing Donkey Kong himself. You should be proud.  
  
Hank: Again I implore you to reconsider your casting.  
  
Karla: Oh get over it. Kurt, you are again unfortunatly stuck in the role of the side kick.  
  
Kurt: Karla, why do you even bother to tell us who we're playing? We have the scripts I've written.  
  
Karla: The readers don't have scripts! Besides, I write those.  
  
Kurt: Nein you-  
  
Karla: *death glares* I write them!  
  
All: O_O  
  
Karla: Any more complaints?  
  
All: ...  
  
Karla: Good. Now, I have been known to explode violently, and the only thing that keeps my temper under control is Lloyd, and he's in another fic currently, so you might want to cooperate.  
  
Rogue: Sugah, what can y'do t'us?  
  
Karla: Author powers.  
  
Kurt: As in, anything she wants.  
  
Rogue: Oh.  
  
Hank: Doubtful.  
  
Karla: Oh yeah?! *gets one of her trademark insane grins* You want to see my capabilites? I'll send you to another author.  
  
Hank: Oh my stars and garters! There is a higher power! Who? Who will allow me escape from this?  
  
Karla: Oh, you aren't escaping. You're doing this first.  
  
Hank: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo*gasp*ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  
  
Karla: That's Dart's line!  
  
Hank: Dart?  
  
Kurt: You don't want to know. You really don't want to know.  
  
Hank: I'll take you're word for that.  
  
Karla: Okay, Jamie and Rachel are going to do the terrian for this too, so hurry up and get to your places or you might end up a tree. *they run. Fast*  
  
Rachel: Do you really think I'd make any of them part of a tree?  
  
Karla: Oh, I know you wouldn't. Jamie on the other hand...  
  
Jamie: I said I was sorry!  
  
Karla: My cat will never be the same.  
  
Jamie: But he honestly wanted to be human, and you weren't around and I thought that maybe you wouldn't mind!  
  
Karla: He's not supposed to be a human. Karma and all that.  
  
Jamie: Hey! I was just helping the unfortunate.  
  
Karla: Because you know you'll end up like that?  
  
Jamie: *pulls some threads*  
  
Karla: *now a cat due to him* Merow?  
  
Rachel: Put her back.  
  
Jamie: But-  
  
Rachel: Now.  
  
Jamie: But isn't she cute?  
  
Rachel: We won't be able to get out of this if you don't.  
  
Jamie: Good point. *put the threads back*  
  
Karla: *takcles him* Why you-!  
  
Rachel: How about not killing each other? I want to go home.  
  
Karla: He turned me into a cat!  
  
Jamie: I liked you better that way.  
  
Neep! First chapter is done! Many thanks to Anything but Ordinary3 for the brilliant parody ideas. I do my humble best with these games.  
  
Kurt: Don't you mean me?  
  
Karla: Sh! I write these. You had nothing to do with it.  
  
Kurt: Really? How did you get on without me?  
  
Karla: Lavitz helped.  
  
Kurt: Really? Maybe I should leave again...  
  
Karla: NO! *clears throat* Um...  
  
Kurt: Ha! *looks proud* You do need me.  
  
Karla: *mutters* 


	2. Tree house cannons!

An update! Aren't you proud? Proof that enough proding will get anything done! Oh and guess what? i'm adding an author! Yes you Anything but Ordinary3 You are in my parody.  
  
Anything: Help! I've been kidnapped!  
  
Hank: Author-napped perhaps?  
  
Karla: You haven't been author-napped. I'm only stealing you away so that you may take part in this glorious parody of mine.  
  
Kurt: What she means is she couldn't find anyone to fill in for Rogue who just happened to quit.  
  
Karla: Do you know where she went?  
  
flash back  
  
*Rogue following a map drawn in crayon (by Kat of course)*  
  
Anything: Hello?  
  
Rogue: Y'gotta help me! I need t'hide from the crazy author that's out t'get me!  
  
Anything: *hustles her into the forgotton corner*  
  
/falshback  
  
Anything: *innocently* Nope! Can't say that I've seen her!  
  
Karla: Well, someone has to fill in for Candy. Not me! I'm the author. *yells* Brian!  
  
Brian: What?!  
  
Karla: Get in here! I have another bit part for you!  
  
Brian: Can't someone else do it?  
  
Karla: No!  
  
Brian: *trudges in muttering*  
  
Karla: Here. Put this on. *hands him the suit*  
  
Brian: A monkey?  
  
Karla: Please? It means you don't have to be the bad guy.  
  
Brian: Who's the evil over lord?  
  
Xavier: Don't call me that!  
  
All: o_O *laugh*  
  
Xavier: It's not funny!  
  
All: *laugh harder*  
  
Xavier: *pouts*  
  
Karla: Just do it.  
  
Jamie: Should there be a Nike ad here?  
  
Karla: No.  
  
Brian: *mutters and puts on his costume*  
  
Karla: On the count of three, everyone start laughing. One...  
  
Anything: Two...  
  
Jamie: Three!  
  
All: *laugh at Brian in a female monkey suit and pink dress*  
  
Brian: What?!  
  
Anything: *points at a mirror*  
  
Karla: *takes the oppurtunity and gets a head start*  
  
Brian: *looks at himself in disgust then chases her*  
  
All: *laugh and point*  
  
Kurt: Alright, let's get on with the show shall we?  
  
Karla: *throws a bottle of Jack Daniels at Brian's head*  
  
Brian: *passes out*  
  
Karla: Okay, now, let's do scene one shall we? And Rachel, please drag him to his place and stand him upright.  
  
*Jungle Hijinx (or Blasting out of the tree house take one)*  
  
Hank: *cannonballs out of the tree house. Hits a tree* Ow...  
  
Kurt: *stuck in a barrel* Get me out of here! *cursing in German*  
  
Hank: Medic!  
  
Moira: I'm comin' laddie.*  
  
*A/N: Moria has been given a lab in exchange for her service. The author also made her promise to give up most of her accent*  
  
Karla: Kurt, you're a good gymnast, you cannoball out of the tree house.  
  
Kurt: *shrugs* Might as well.  
  
*after Hank is on his feet*  
  
Kurt: *cannonballs out of the tree house. Lands nicely where he's supposed to*  
  
Hank: *in the barrel* Remove me from this filthy wooden confinement!  
  
Kurt: Nein, I don't think I will... there is the matter of that time you but hair growth treatment into my shampoo... and when you put hair removal treatment in the same shampoo to correct it, except I'd already bought a new bottle and I ended up normal looking for weeks!  
  
Karla: Woah! Hold it there mister! Isn't your skin blue?  
  
Kurt: Nein, it isn't. It's a misconception people have. *rubs his fur the wrong way* See?  
  
Karla: I'll be damned! There's white skin under there!  
  
Anything: You could shave and wear sunglasses and no one would know you were a mutant!  
  
Kurt: Why didn't I think of that...  
  
Karla: Alright, next we will free the monkey from the barrel. That's a wrap guys!  
  
All: *leave*  
  
Hank: *still in the barrel* I'm still here!  
  
Kat: Oooh! A talking barrel! You know, you sound an awful lot like Hank Mister Barrel! Do you listen like Hank too?  
  
Hank: *moans*  
  
I know. It's cruel. It's mean to leave Hank with but... it's also really funny! 


	3. More fun than a barrel of monkeys

Neep! I have a cloning machine! Ain't it great? That and Muses'R'Us loans some of their more popular ones out for thirty days!  
  
Beast: I still fail to see why I have to be in this as a silent primate.  
  
Karla: Because I save money on monkey costumes.  
  
Beast: But you already used that arguement. It's flawed because your burly blond is in a monkey costume.  
  
Karla: Which I had on hand for Rogue, but she left. Now, get in the barrel Donkey Kong.  
  
Beast: No.  
  
Karla: Monosylabic? And one word? It's the end of the world! *faints*  
  
Kurt: Who's in charge now?  
  
Jamie: Her. *points at Anything*  
  
Anything: Really? *laughs evilly*  
  
Rachel: I'm scared.  
  
Jamie: Me too.  
  
Anything: Alright people, we have a parody to do. Where's Brian?  
  
Brian: *leans on Beast* *slurred, very slurred* Ya know, I had a friend oncsh like ya. He wash a little runt-  
  
Anything: *smacks him for me and gives him more caffiene than should be drunk by a normal human being, followed by an insanely high dosage of Keep-Awake pills*  
  
Brian: *shaking* Sowhatarewedoingtodayguyshunhhunhhunhhunh?!  
  
Kurt: What have you done to him?  
  
Anything: I don't know... Okay, Beast, jump in the barrel.  
  
Beast: I'm not confining myself in that filthy wooden contraption.  
  
Anything: Brian, stuff him in so we can get on with this.  
  
Brian: *for once does exactly what he's told albeit way overzealously*  
  
Beast: *moan* Medic...  
  
Anything: Once you're freed from the barrel. Jamie, Rachel, the terrain please. *ground shifts to the inside of a cave with the Barrel on the top of a large pillar thing* Action!  
  
Kurt: *dodges various Kremlings and jumps to the top of the pillar*  
  
Beast: *inside the barrel moaning* Medic...  
  
Kurt: *tries to lift the barrel, only to find it's too heavy. He falls backwards and the barrel bursts open*  
  
Beast and kurt: Medic?  
  
Moira: I'm comin' Laddies.  
  
Anything: *points and laughs with everyone else*  
  
Karla: Uhhn...  
  
Jamie: Very good! Now two!  
  
Karla: Deux. Wait, that's not what I was doing... Oh yeah! I was directing one of my parodies. How are they doing?  
  
Anything: Um... fine! Better than Kat would do.  
  
Karla: That doesn't say much.  
  
Anything: They're fine!  
  
Kurt: *moaning*  
  
Karla: Why's Kurt moaning like that?!  
  
Anything: *thinking fast* Brian! He got him. *looks innocent*  
  
Karla: Bad muse! *whaps Brian with a newspaper*  
  
Neep! Short I know, but oh well. Poor Kurt. He'll be better soon. 


	4. Sock Puppets are fun!

Okey dokey! Kurt's all better. Yay! Now we can get on with the show.  
  
Kurt: Remind me why I'm doing this.  
  
Karla: Because you get to see Brian in a dress.  
  
Kurt: That's not something I want to see.  
  
Karla: That means you won't help me write a slash will you?  
  
Jamie: I will!  
  
Karla: Goodie goodie gosh!  
  
Jamie: o_O Never do that again.  
  
Karla: Why?  
  
Jamie: Because I can manipulate reality.  
  
Karla: Damn. Oh, I've brought in another friend of mine. Ren?  
  
Ren: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! JamieJamieJamieJamie! *glomps him*  
  
Jamie: Ah! It's a fan girl! Get her off! Get her off!  
  
Karla: I think she can stay well attached. Now, back to the parody. We will now be doing the underwater levels.  
  
Hank: Neither Kurt nor I are in any way aquatic. How is it that you are going to compensate?  
  
Karla: Oxygen tanks. Strap them on and dive in.  
  
Hank: I most certainly will not throw myself into that foamy brine.  
  
Karla: Then Brian will throw you in.  
  
Hank: He's a drunken heap in the corner.  
  
Anything: *shoves some concentrated caffiene down his throat along with an entire bottle of Keep Awake pills* All better!  
  
Brian: Is the room supposed to shake like that?  
  
Anything: Yup. Now get on with it and do what we say.  
  
Karla: Brian, put him in the oxygen tank and throw him in.  
  
Brian: *starts trying to stuff Hank into the valve on the tank* Fit damn you!  
  
Karla: No, strap him in.  
  
Brian: *uses the straps to hold him against the valve and help him push* I said fit! *beats the tank and Hank against the wall. Hank slides into the valve and disappears into the tank*  
  
All: O_O  
  
Brian: ^_^  
  
Karla: Okay... *labels the tank 'Hank' with a post-it*  
  
A/N: Aren't Post-its great?  
  
Karla: It works! *hugs machine* Okey dokey, Rachel is going to move the Hank tank telekinetically. Moira will fix Hank later, since Marvel has proven that there's nothing S'Hiar technology can't fix. Go to.  
  
*Coral Capers OR Under the Sea With Octopi OR Under the Sea with Octopuses*  
  
Hank: *floats along in the tank behind Kurt who's leading today*  
  
Kurt: *swims along muttering profanities in German*  
  
Hank: *from inside the tank (I have no idea how. I really don't. For now I'm blaming Jamie)* You know, for being so devout you curse suprisingly fluently.  
  
Kurt: Scher Dich Zum Tueful.*  
  
*A/N: meaning, although it's poorly spelled, Go to hell.  
  
Hank: Bah.  
  
*after some swimming*  
  
Kurt: Gah! What is it?!  
  
Spining Octopus: Grr! *spins*  
  
Kurt: Don't eat me! *swims back to the very first really, really quickly*  
  
Karla: What happened?  
  
Kurt: Let me out! Let me out!  
  
Karla: *having a soft spot for him lets him out* What happened?  
  
Kurt: That thing tried to eat me!  
  
Karla: Um... Are you by some chance afraid of octopi?  
  
Kurt: O-of course not!  
  
Jamie: Octopuses.  
  
Karla: Let's not start that. Kurt are you that scared of them?  
  
Kurt: *shaking with fear*  
  
Karla: So that's a yes.  
  
Jamie: I'm not afraid of anything!  
  
Karla: Sock Puppets!  
  
Jamie: Ha! I know that came from the Simpsons!  
  
Brian: Marionettes.  
  
Jamie: Where?! *dives into a bush of his own creation*  
  
Karla: That's a rose bush you know.  
  
Jamie: *mutters* Shut up.  
  
*somewhere under the water*  
  
Hank: Hello? Are there any authors out there?  
  
Anything: *by virtue of author powers to do anything* You're still here? *In a very Kat like moment* Swim back.  
  
Hank: I'm in an oxygen tank.  
  
Anything: All the better. *disappears via author magic*  
  
Hank: Hello? Hello?! HELLO?!  
  
Oooooooooh lookie! It's another shiny new chapter! Yay! Ren be happy! You got to glomp Jamie! 


End file.
